I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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