normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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