guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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