Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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