Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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