I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
