I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
