It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
