that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
