Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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