We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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