I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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