Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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