you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
