i just google imaged poop.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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