On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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