Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
