My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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