we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
