OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
