so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just high enough for therapy.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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