Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
