Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
