is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
