ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He shit in the fireplace
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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