I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
