Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Still dying that you shit outside
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize