see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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