He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
