Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
