My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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