A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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