She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I got inside last night via doggy door
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
