some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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