Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
