Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
