yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
