i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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