so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
