I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
