I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
