drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
