My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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