Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
