I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
