I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
