Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
