I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
