1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
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