hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
