Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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