Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize