Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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