I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
