he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
