I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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