but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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