The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
