forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
