Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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