If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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