she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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