no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
