I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
