Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
