put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
