Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
